I recently read a book about self-esteem, “Self-esteem Lesson, Korean Ver (자존감 수업 : 하루에 하나, 나를 사랑하게 되는 자존감 회복 훈련)” It is written in Korean only. It is a book that a psychiatrist (윤홍균, 정신건강의학과 의사) wrote for his daughters based on the knowledge he gained from his long experience.
In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. (Verywell Mind) In other words, it is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. (Wiki)
The reason I read this book is because my top priority these days is to get rid of low self-esteem and self-reproach. This is because I heard this from someone I respect recently. She also told me that I’m enough competent.
When I read the book, I found that self-esteem was really connected to many problems, such as marriage, dating, work life, relationships between friends, and myself. The point was that I didn’t love myself. It’s “self-distrust.” How about someone on your back, criticizing you all day and comparing you to others? You can’t even run away. It’s so terrible. 🙁
My core feelings are “sadness” and “inferiority.” I could explain my feelings clearly through this book. I have a huge desire to be recognized by others. So, I kept looking at other people, and I usually looked at people who were better than me. That’s why I felt inferior.
Comparing my shortcomings to others’ good points, I always lost. I had high expectations of myself, and I was often frustrated. This gave me disappointment and low self-esteem. If disappointment lasts long, it becomes sadness.
After that, when there was a mistake, I started to blame myself first. The premise of my thoughts was that I tried to protect myself by blaming myself for fear of being criticized by others. I also hated myself.
In fact, there were so many hard work. It was a day that was really difficult, teary, painful, compared, scolded, and felt I was insignificant. I was not recognized by those who I respect. I secretly got angry and cried a lot.
I think I actually needed comfort. It was necessary to say, ‘It’s okay, you can do it.’ But now I can understand and forgive. We all had a hard time then, and we’ve walked the hard way together. She had a situation, too. She had lived a life that was not appreciated by strict father, and that was why I was more severely scolded by her.
What do we want most from our lovers when we’re dating? I think it’s looking at me as I am. But I don’t really see myself that way. I will now cherish and love me a lot. “It’s okay, you can do it. You can do it!!” I will trust my own judgment, make my own choices and make decisions. I will believe in me and comfort me, even if my troubles come like waves again.
Do you want to walk with me?